[easy-e]

With apologies to the original author…

31 Rules of thumb for Bee Thirtyone dot Three piping:

1) All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal concentric with the hole.
2) All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length.
3) All pipe is to be of the very best quality, perfectly tubular or pipular.
4) All acid proof pipe is to be made of acid proof metal.
5) O.D. of pipe must exceed the I.D. otherwise the hole will be on the outside.
6) All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
7) All pipe is to be supplied without rust, as this can be more readily applied at the job site.
All pipe is to be cleaned free of any covering such as mud, tar, barnacles, or any form of manure before putting up, otherwise it will make lumps under the paint.
9) All pipe over 500 feet long must have the words “long pipe” clearly painted on each end so that the fitter will know that it is long pipe.
10) Pipe over two miles long must also have these words painted in the middle so that the fitter will not have to walk the full length of pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe.
11) All pipe over six inches in diameter is to have the words “large pipe” painted on it so that the fitter will not use it as small pipe.
12) All pipe closers are to be open on one end.
13) All pipe fittings shall be made of the same stuff as the pipe.
14) No fittings are to be put on the pipe unless specified. Otherwise straight pipe becomes crooked pipe.
15) Fittings come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Be sure to specify the direction you are going when ordering.
16) Fittings come bolted, welded, or screwed. Always use screwed. They are the best.
17) If flanges are to be blank or blind, the big hole in the middle must be filled with metal.
18) All flanges must be cast or forged of the very best quality iron metal, close grained, free from blow holes, lumps, cavities, pock marks, pin pricks, and warts, otherwise we can’t use them.
19) Gaskets shall be used to fill in the space between flanges.
20) Gaskets are to be made of metal, rubber, plastic, paper, or some king of goop. Do not use cow or sheep manure, it cracks when it gets dry.
21) All bolts are to be screwed.
22) All bolts must have a head on one end and a nut on the other.
23) Bolts without heads are to be furnished as studs.
24) Studs without heads are to be screwed all over and have two nuts, which is standard. Studs with three nuts shall not be used since they would be odd.
25) All nuts are to be furnished in sacks. Sacks must be whole and sound, with a minimum of two nuts per sack. Paper sacks will not be tolerated.
26) All piping shall be installed with valves.
27) All valves must have an opening on each end with a flapper in the middle which goes up and down or sideways when you turn the wheel or crank so that it will open or close. Otherwise the stuff will run out of the ends.
28) Valves are to be furnished by the kind required as follows:
* Ball valves shall have a ball inside.
* Gate valves shall have a gate inside.
* Globe valves shall have a globe inside.
* Check valves shall have a check inside. Czech’s will not be tolerated except in the Czech Republic.
* Angle valves shall have an angle inside.
* Plug valves shall have a plug inside.
* Diaphragm valves shall have a diaphragm inside.
29) Ball valves are not to be used anywhere with a female connection.
30) Diaphragm valves shall only be used with a female connection.
31) All completed pipe lines must go somewhere and connect to something. The fitter shall verify this prior to turnover.

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